{"id":5947,"date":"2025-06-24T11:22:09","date_gmt":"2025-06-24T05:52:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/?p=5947"},"modified":"2025-09-19T10:15:35","modified_gmt":"2025-09-19T04:45:35","slug":"how-to-say-sorry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/?p=5947","title":{"rendered":"How to Say Sorry"},"content":{"rendered":"

Prof. Chandana Choudhury Barua<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Former Prof. & Head, Dept. of Pharmacology & Toxicology<\/span><\/p>\n

College of Veterinary Science, Assam Agricultural University<\/span><\/p>\n

Khanapara, Guwahati-781022<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNever apologize for being sensitive or emotional. Let this be a sign that you have a big heart and are not afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotion is a sign of strength\u201d \u2013 Brigitte Nicole. Just like any WhatsApp group, our Cottonian batch also has a similar group. We exchange good thoughts, good vibes, share literature, and our children\u2019s achievements. Our batchmate Arunava Bhuyan\u2019s good morning posts are always unusual and thought-provoking. This quote inspired me to pen this article.  I thank Arunava.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you can apologise to someone, it shows you have a big heart. But asking apology is also the hardest task for many of us. It hurts our ego. We always think we are right, and the other person is wrong. So, we defend ourselves against those feelings by justifying ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

Saying sorry or asking apology is an art. It should be genuine and should be devoid of \u2018if\u2019 or \u2018but\u2019. Then apologies become half-hearted.<\/span><\/p>\n

We should ask apology in a simple and straightforward way and ask for forgiveness too. It should be a one-sided communication, acknowledge your guilt and show your remorse without any return. We don\u2019t have to wince. One must give some time to heal the other person’s feelings, that is, damage repair.  Sometimes it may hurt the other person so badly that the relationship is scarred for life.  I remember one friendship which was permanently damaged by telling the truth in a mindless way, which I realised later and not at that moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

An apology should be genuine.  For most of us, it shouldn\u2019t be too difficult to identify bad behaviour on our part.  Feel your resistance to owning up, listen for the self-justifications.  Try to isolate the other person\u2019s behaviour or any contributing factors from your misdeeds; take full responsibility for the hurt you inflicted. Then step back and leave the other person alone with your apology.  Don\u2019t demand forgiveness.  Accept that you may have to live with guilt and regret despite having apologized.<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you do if you find out that you have hurt or harmed somebody, and you want to revive the relationship or even improve it? How do you make a complete, complex, and healing apology that addresses the injured party’s pain and possible need for retaliation?<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Say you are sorry.<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Make an inventory of how your behaviour might have hurt or harmed someone. Ask that person if the list is complete and correct your list to reflect a complete account of the costs of your behaviour.<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Say you are sorry again. Be prepared to say this many times.<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. Tell the other person exactly how you understand the costs of your behaviour, and allow the other person to vent, elaborate, or reiterate as needed so that the other person really feels heard.<\/span><\/li>\n
  5. Clarify with the other person if the behaviour was a simple accident, a mistake, a mistaken calculation of costs and benefits, or a deliberate deed. This part is not easy and takes time and attention. \u2018Thoughtlessness\u2019 is one of the most common sources of problems and may reflect recurrent self-centeredness. Intentional acts of revenge or malice also require great insight to acknowledge.<\/span><\/li>\n
  6. Humbly ask for forgiveness. Describe your inner state of guilt, remorse, sadness, grief, anger or whatever.<\/span><\/li>\n
  7. Describe what you have learned from the incident. Show insight and awareness of yourself and your mistake, and of the other person and his\/her pain.<\/span><\/li>\n
  8. List what you will do or change to avoid a repetition of the incident.<\/span><\/li>\n
  9. Clarify what penalties to expect if you make a mistake or transgress again. Discuss what each of you will do to avoid a repetition.<\/span><\/li>\n
  10. Say you are sorry, yet again.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Too many people believe that simply saying sorry one time should suffice if we have hurt somebody’s feelings. However, the legal code is clearer: if you hurt somebody’s car, you must pay the damages. It can be difficult to enumerate emotional costs, but to heal, it must be done. In effect, the Forgiveness Protocol offloads the pain and suffering of a victim back onto the perpetrator, by making the perpetrator humble, thoughtful, and indebted, in other words, subordinated, with a need to pay back the injury with considerable amends.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Since we all make dreadful mistakes sometimes, it is important to know how to make a logical apology. It is one of the pathways to peace, personally and globally. One should be very cautious while dealing with some sensitive issues too. While visiting a bereaved person\u2019s family, especially if it is an unexpected or sudden death or suicide, utmost caution is needed to express our empathy and not ask awkward queries. Better maintain silence and show your presence or offer some emotional support by not saying some words, which later you feel should not be asked or ask apology.  <\/span><\/p>\n

    Download PDF<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Prof. Chandana Choudhury Barua Former Prof. & Head, Dept. of Pharmacology & Toxicology College of Veterinary Science, Assam Agricultural University Khanapara, Guwahati-781022   \u201cNever apologize for being sensitive or emotional. Let this be a sign that you have a big heart and are not afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotion is a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5948,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[453,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5947","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-article33th-issue","category-articles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5947","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5947"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5947\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5951,"href":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5947\/revisions\/5951"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5948"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5947"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5947"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/babrone.avfu.ac.in\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5947"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}